Falling Away Read online

  Doing as I was told, I kicked off my flip-flops and started the car. When the engine roared to life, I let out a smile even as a nervous heat weakened my arms and legs.

  “Now.” He took my hand and placed it on the stick. “This is first gear.” And he held my hand in his as he shifted me out of neutral. “This is second.” We slammed straight down into second as he fisted me, and my arm was getting weaker.

  I didn’t know why. I closed my eyes, feeling him move us.

  “Third.” Up and to the right.

  “Fourth.” Straight down.

  “Fifth.” His deep voice carried me up to the right again. “And sixth.” He slammed me straight down, and my stomach fluttered as I lost breath.

  “And this is reverse,” he said just above a whisper. “And just a tip. It’s better to drive with your eyes open, K.C.”

  I blinked them open. Yeah, so I didn’t even know how to drive a stick yet, but I definitely wanted one as my next car.

  I swallowed, scowling at him. “Can I go now?”

  He smiled and leaned over to switch the music. Pop Evil’s “Trenches.” “A little inspiration for you, Tough Girl.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I replied sarcastically. Releasing the clutch, I pressed the gas and sat stunned as the car sputtered to its death.

  My face flooded with embarrassment, and I could hear Jax’s snort and see his chest shaking with silent laughter out of the corner of my eye.

  “Mmm … so that’s your experience with men?” he joked. “I arrived just in time.” He took my hand, placing it on the stick.

  “Turn on the car,” he prompted.

  I did and sat with my foot on the clutch and my other on the brake.

  “Put her in first,” he ordered, keeping his palm against my knuckles.

  Using all my might until the muscles in my arm burned, I pulled the stick to the left and pushed it up into first.

  “Okay,” he started. “Now, when I say go, I want you to—slowly—release pressure from the clutch as you apply pressure—slowly—to the gas. Give-and-take. Push and pull. You’re going to feel the spot where they meet, when one is ready to be released and the other is ready to take over.”

  His azure eyes turned stormy, and his soft lips melted together as he studied me. “Are you ready?”

  For what?

  Oh, yeah. “Yes,” I choked out, nodding.

  “Go ahead. Don’t release the clutch completely until you feel it.” And he sat back but kept his hand on mine.

  Slowly, I relinquished pressure from the clutch and felt him watching me as I applied pressure to the gas.

  “Slowly,” he reminded me.

  As I pressed the gas, I felt the car start to move, and I looked to Jax, wide-eyed.

  He grinned. “Do you feel it?” he asked. “She’s ready. Release the clutch.”

  I took my foot off, and jiggled the steering wheel nervously as the car vaulted forward. My smile spread, and I laughed.

  “What do I do now?” I shouted, excitement taking over.

  “What do you think you do?”

  “Shift?” I sucked in air and clutched the steering wheel.

  He squeezed my hand. “When I say go, press in the clutch again, and we’ll shift,” he instructed me. “Go!”

  “Jax!” I screamed at his lack of notice, and frantically pressed in the clutch. Jax grasped my hand and yanked us down into second.

  “Again, release the clutch slowly as you apply the gas.”

  I could feel his fingers slide between mine, and my heart was pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears.

  As I released and applied, I found the spot where they met in the middle and charged ahead, releasing the clutch again.

  “I did it!” I burst out, smiling. “I did it!”

  “Of course you did,” Jax said. “You ready for me to let go?”

  “No!” I gasped, laughing. “Don’t you dare!”

  I felt his hand tighten on mine, and his palm was so smooth and soft, his fingers fitting perfectly between mine.

  The car reached thirty miles an hour and seemed to reach its peak. Pressing in the clutch, I looked down to the diagram on the stick—covered by Jax’s and my hands—and remembered that the next gear was up and to the right. Jax’s hand was light on mine as I shifted up and punched the stick into third, releasing the clutch as the gas took over.

  I loved this. Even though I was stuttering my way down the track, and I could see Jax jerking with my rough transitions, I was filled with elation.

  Driving a new car, the rest of the world blocked out by the rain out the window, and the delicious danger of Jaxon Trent sitting next to me. The boy my mother would never have approved of. The boy who was bad for me.

  The boy who would do bad things to me if I let him.

  Well, my mother had nothing to worry about after all. Jax might have wanted in my pants in high school, but this one saw the ten shades of wimp I was and was probably bored out of his mind right now.

  “So, why did you get arrested?” Jax asked.

  I took my hand out from underneath his and held the wheel as I rounded the first corner.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said quietly.

  “Is it embarrassing?” he prodded.

  “No.” I winced. “Just … yeah, a little.” I looked over at him. “I mean getting arrested is embarrassing, despite the reason, right?”

  He arched an eyebrow.

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay, never mind. In your world, wearing handcuffs is cool,” I mocked.

  But then my face fell, realizing what I’d just insinuated.

  “I didn’t mean that,” I blurted, looking over at his grinning face.

  His hot eyes smiled at me. “You in handcuffs would be cool, K.C.”

  Oh, shit.

  I heard him laugh, but my eyes were blindly focused outside.

  “Didn’t mean to distract you,” he sort of apologized. “Keep driving.”

  Clearing my throat, I forged ahead, getting all the way to fifth gear in between turns and coming down successfully when I rounded corners. I went around the track twice and eventually relaxed enough to sit back and smooth into the transitions from gear to gear.

  And I loved it. Enticing the car to move when I wanted it to move. Propelling it forward, dragging it back down … It was almost obscene how much I liked it.

  The small smile I allowed myself might have been barely visible, but I felt it all over my body. As I rounded the final turn. As I shifted down. And as I slowed to a stop at the finish line.

  I definitely want one of these, I thought as I sat there.

  Jax let out a pleased sigh. “Now you know how to drive a stick.”

  I bowed my head, hiding my smile from him. “Yeah,” I said quietly.

  “You driving us to school tomorrow?”

  I laughed and put the car in neutral, setting the parking brake.

  Running my fingers up the steering wheel, I nibbled on my bottom lip before speaking.

  “I caught Liam at a bar with another woman,” I started, not sure why. “I walked up to them—as they were making out—and grabbed a knife off the nearby bar and stabbed the table where they sat.” I twisted my embarrassed smile to the side, feeling the blush heat my skin. “And then I proceeded to wave the knife in front of both of them and threaten his loss of genitals,” I finished, closing my eyes, wincing at my idiocy. “Yeah.” I nodded, knowing what he must’ve been thinking. “I did that.”

  “Badass.” He sounded proud. “Good for you.”

  I opened my eyes and shrugged, still feeling stupid. “It was a butter knife,” I mumbled.

  And Jax lost it. He let out a huge snort and laughed, the wheezing sound coming from the pit of his stomach as he slapped his thigh once in appreciation.

  “Funny thing is,” I continued through his laughter, “I haven’t cried.” I looked over at him and narrowed my eyes. “I mean not about him. We were together for five years, and I don’t feel like any
thing is missing. Isn’t that weird?” I asked as Jax’s face calmed, and he listened.

  I had to admit it, even as terrible as it sounded. And Liam probably wasn’t missing me, either. I wasn’t the easiest girlfriend, and although I regretted him, I couldn’t help feeling that he probably regretted me, too.

  “You’re going to be okay,” Jax offered.

  I shook my head, my voice turning sad. “I don’t want be okay,” I countered. “I want to be off the rails, Jax. I want to fight and scream and rage and lose myself. I want to be hungry.” I dropped my voice to a whisper as I looked out the windshield. “I want to be a mess. For once.”

  Letting out a defeated sigh, I swung the car door open and stepped out into the rain. Slamming it shut, I turned around and placed my palms on the roof, bowing my head and closing my eyes. I breathed in and out, just wishing the rain would wash me away with the heat on my skin.

  The fragrant smell of moss from the nearby pond coursed through my nostrils, and the pitter-patter of drops on the water drowned out the noise in my head. I smiled gratefully as thin lines of water spilled over my lips, and the cool rain plastered my clothes to my hot skin.

  “So, why don’t you do it?”

  I popped my head up and spun around, seeing that Jax had come up behind me. “Do what?”

  “Lose yourself.” His deep voice and challenging eyes were hard on me. “Find what makes you hungry. Go off the rails. Fight, scream, rage … Why don’t you just do it?”

  I looked away. “It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?” I raised my voice, speaking over the downpour. “You don’t answer to anyone, Jax.”

  He looked at me as if I was pathetic. “Oh, you’re so full of shit,” he chided. “You’re fucking scared. And you’re not going to realize it until you’re saddled in the suburbs with two-point-five kids and married to some dick who’d rather let his secretary blow him than come home to you.”

  Tears welled and I swallowed them back, choking out my words. “You’re such an asshole.”

  “And you’re fucking gutless!” he taunted, his lips an inch from my face as he bore down on me.

  I snapped my head up. “Stop saying that!” I raged.

  “What?” He held a hand behind his ear, mocking me. “What was that? I can’t hear you, Gutless. No one hears you.”

  My fingers fisted. “Fuck you!” I thundered, darting into his space.

  “Get naked, and I will.”

  “Ugh!” I slammed him in the chest, baring my teeth. “You’re a damn child. Grow up!”

  And I gasped as he rushed me and snatched up my bottom lip between his teeth, sucking it into his mouth.

  Holy shit. Fuck. Did he just bite me?

  But I didn’t have time to process any of it. He grabbed my ass, still holding my lip between his teeth, and hauled me up, slamming me back against the car door.

  “This kid grew up,” he threatened in a deep voice, grinding his hard-on between my legs. “And you’re gonna fuckin’ find out.”

  Oh. My. God.

  He covered my mouth with his and moved slowly, like the tides of an ocean, in and out, in and out, drawing my bottom lip between his teeth and dragging it out like a threat. I think my stomach growled, and all of a sudden I wanted to eat him.

  “Jax.” I clutched his T-shirt in my fists, tensing as the tornado in my chest swooped down into my belly and then down between my thighs.

  And just at that moment, he squeezed the back of my neck and pushed his tongue into my mouth.

  I whimpered at the warm slickness of his tongue and moaned into his mouth.

  “Oh, God,” I gasped, dropping my head back and breathing hard as his mouth continued down my neck. I couldn’t take his lips. It felt too good. Either that or I was too worked up. I clenched my thighs and groaned, the pulse between my legs pounding wildly.

  “Jax, I’m … I … ,” I stammered. “Shit.” I couldn’t help it. I grabbed his hard waist and rolled my hips into his, showing him how much I desired him as he licked and kissed my neck.

  “Jesus.” His breath tickled my ear. “You’re ready to come already, aren’t you?”

  “But I still hate you,” I insisted. “And in a minute, you’re going to get your fucking hands off me.”

  Wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my body to his, I sank my lips into his, which continued to move over mine as if they belonged to him.

  And then I kissed his bottom lip, licked his top lip, kissed the corners of his mouth, and clutched the back of his damn neck as I stood on my tiptoes to meet him.

  There was no escaping. Jax didn’t give me time to think or to stop. Pulling up my skirt, he grabbed the backs of my thighs and hauled me off the ground. I didn’t need instructions. I circled his waist, instantly feeling the thick ridge of his hard-on teasing me.

  My eyes were closed, but I was sure I looked as if I was in pain.

  “Jax, damn,” I groaned. “What are you doing?”

  It was like a goddamn roller-coaster ride of sensation every place his lips touched. How can anyone feel butterflies on her neck? In her mouth? On her cheeks?

  His hands groped my ass, bringing me in rough and hard against him, grinding for more, and I even loved how the fabric of his shorts dug into my inner thighs. Jesus, I was so hungry. Sucking his tongue as hard as I could, I let go and snatched his bottom lip between my teeth, biting down.

  “Shit.” He pulled back, dropping me to my feet and bringing his fingers to his lip where I bit.

  I dug my nails into my bare legs, the agony of his loss scaring me. I hadn’t meant to bite him that hard. But I played it off.

  “I told you you were going to take your fucking hands off me,” I taunted him.

  He pulled his fingers away from his mouth to inspect them, and I think he saw blood, because he yanked me by the arm, pulling me away from the car door.

  “No, I’m not,” he challenged. “Biting? You just kicked me into sixth gear. Get in the fucking car,” he growled, swinging it open and pushing me toward it.

  I clenched my teeth to keep the smile at bay. Climbing in, I scurried over the console, out of Jax’s way, when I saw that he was following me in the same side.

  I swallowed the dryness from my mouth, and I waited, feeling a need I’d never felt. Not even with Liam.

  He slammed the door and looked over at me as if he wanted to beat me up or something.

  But he didn’t.

  Grabbing me under the arms, he hauled me over onto his lap so that I straddled him. Taking my hand, he lowered it to his groin and panted into my lips. “Bite me, hit me, scream at me. I don’t care. I want to feel it. Fucking hurt me, K.C. Let me see you.”

  And then he grabbed the back of my neck and brought my lips to his, immediately pushing his sweet tongue into my mouth and running his hands up my thighs under my skirt.

  “Jax,” I panted, moving back and forth, in and out, meeting his lips and pushing back. “I love how you feel.”

  I wanted this. I always wanted this. He was a carnival ride under my fucking skin, and there wasn’t one inch of him I didn’t want to taste.

  Holding one side of his smooth face, I let my mind and my body slip into his warmth, and I forgot everything.

  Just kiss him. That was all I heard—all my brain told me—as if it were just him and me in the world.

  He held my ass in both of his hands, and I pulled my mouth away and looked down at him.

  Placing my palms on his shoulders, I rubbed myself against him, really slow but really fucking hard, so I could feel every inch of him from the top of my clit to my entrance.

  “Christ.” He bared his teeth, looking up at me, our lips an inch apart. “I knew you were this beautiful.”

  Grasping my ass, his shoulders flexed under my hands as he pulled me into him and rolled his hips into mine.

  Reaching back, I tried to pull his hands off my thong-clad ass. I couldn’t let this go too far, but there was no way I wanted it to stop, either. I felt I should at
least try, even though my effort was pathetic.

  I just knew that it should stop. Sooner or later we were going to get to the point of no return, and the more his hands touched all the places he shouldn’t, the more I wouldn’t want it to end.

  Touching his mouth with mine, I whispered, pleading, “I have to feel you, Jax. I need more,” rolling my hips into his faster, again, again, and again. “More, Jax. Please,” I moaned, loving the friction on my clit.

  He reached down, and I heard a zipper, feeling my heart picking up pace, knowing that I was going to get closer. Shifting underneath me, he slid his shorts down just a little, grabbed my ass, dug his fingers in, and pressed me hard into his warm cock.

  My underwear. The only thing separating me from him. The only thing keeping us apart.

  “Jax,” I whimpered, the heat flooding my pussy making me wet. “Oh, my God.”

  I swallowed again and again, the pleasure of him right there making me a mess of nerves.

  “We have to stay on top of the clothes, okay?” I started dry-fucking him, loving what I was feeling but scared by it, too.

  His head fell back against the seat, and he closed his eyes. “I don’t care. Just don’t stop touching me.”

  As if I wanted to stop! He loved what I was doing, and his ragged breathing, his muscles flexing under me, the sweat on his neck as we panted and moaned in the thick air of the humid car—I loved it, and I wanted to cry he felt so good.

  With his hands gripping my hips, he rocked me into him, rubbing against his cock, over and over again, harder and harder until I didn’t fucking care that the material separating us was causing rug burn.

  He flicked my lobe with his tongue. “Mmmmm … you’re so wet. I can feel it.”

  I sucked in a breath, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning into his mouth. “And you’re hard,” I rasped, “so hard.”

  His tentative, slow fingers inched under my shirt, his thumbs rubbing circles on my stomach.

  “Jax, no,” I protested pathetically, sliding his hands back out of my shirt. “We can’t go that far. We won’t want to stop.”

  “If you only knew how much you saying no was turning me on …”

  I licked his bottom lip, dragging the tip of my tongue across it. “Doesn’t this feel good?”