Falling Away Read online

  He came up to stand in front of me, hovering down, since he was nearly a half foot taller. “What are you doing here?” he accused.

  I locked my mouth shut and scowled at the air around him, still avoiding eye contact.

  “You left with your dipshit boyfriend an hour ago,” he pointed out.

  I kept my hot eyes averted.

  “K.C.!” He shoved his hand in my face, snapping his fingers a few times. “Let’s process what you just saw in there. You entered my house uninvited in the middle of the night and witnessed me having sex with a girl in the privacy of my own home. Now let’s move on. Why are you roaming around in the dark alone?”

  I finally looked up and sneered. I always had to do that to cover up the way my face felt on fire at the sight of his blue eyes. For someone so dark and wild, his eyes were completely out of place but never seemed wrong. They were the color of a tropical sea. The color of the sky right before storm clouds rolled in. Tate called them azure. I called them hell.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I took a deep breath. “Liam’s too drunk to drive, all right?” I bit out. “He passed out in the car.”

  He looked down the street to where Liam’s car sat and narrowed his eyes before scowling back down at me. “So why can’t you drive him home?” he asked.

  “I can’t drive a clutch.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head. Running his hand through his hair, he stopped and fisted it midstroke. “Your boyfriend is a fucking idiot,” he snarled, and then dropped his hand, looking exasperated.

  I sighed, not wanting to get into it. He and Liam never got along, and while I didn’t know why, I did know it was mostly Jax’s fault.

  I’d known him for almost a year, and even though I knew small details—he was into computers, his real parents weren’t around, and he thought of his brother’s mother as his own—he was still a mystery to me. All I knew was that he looked at me sometimes, and lately, it was with disdain. As if he was disappointed.

  I tipped my chin up and kept my tone flat. “I knew Tate was staying with Jared tonight, and I didn’t want to wake up her dad to let me in the house to crash. I need her to help me get Liam home and to let me in her house. Is she up?” I asked.

  He shook his head, and I wasn’t sure if that meant “no” or “you’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Digging in his jeans pocket, he pulled out keys. “I’ll drive you home.”

  “No,” I rushed. “My mom thinks I’m staying at Tate’s tonight.”

  His eyes narrowed on me, and I felt judged. Yeah, I was lying to my mother to spend the night with my boyfriend. And, yes, I was eighteen years old and still not allowed the freedom of an adult. Stop looking at me like that.

  “Don’t move,” he ordered, and then turned around, walking back to his house.

  After less than a minute he walked back out and started across the lawn to Tate’s, jerking his chin at me to follow. I assumed he had a key, so I jogged up to his side as he climbed the porch steps.

  “What about Liam?” I couldn’t leave my boyfriend sleeping in his car all night. What if something happened to him? Or he got sick? And Tate’s dad would have a fit if I tried to bring him inside.

  He unlocked the front door—I wasn’t sure if he had Tate’s or Jared’s keys—and stepped inside the darkened foyer. Turning to me, he waved his hand in a big show, inviting me in.

  “I’ll get Jared to follow me in his car while I drive Dick-wad home in his, okay?” He hooded his eyes, looking bored.

  “Don’t hurt him,” I warned, crossing the threshold and walking past him.

  “I won’t, but he deserves it.”

  I swung back around to face him, arching an eyebrow. “Oh, you think you’re so much better, Jax?” I smiled. “Do you even know those skanks’ names in there?”

  His mouth instantly tightened. “They’re not skanks, K.C. They’re friends. And I’d make damn sure any girlfriend of mine knew how to drive a manual, and I wouldn’t have gotten so drunk that I couldn’t keep her safe.”

  His quick temper threw me, and I immediately dropped my eyes, hating the rush of guilt that prickled my skin.

  Why was I trying to cut him up? Jax definitely got under my skin, but he wasn’t a bad guy. His behavior at school was certainly better than his brother’s had been in the past. And Jax was respectful to teachers and friendly to everyone.

  Almost everyone.

  I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders, ready to swallow a mouthful of pride. “Thank you. Thank you for driving Liam home,” I offered, handing him the keys. “But what about your …” I gestured with my hand, trying to find the right word. “Your … dates?”

  “They’ll wait.” He smirked.

  I rolled my eyes. Oooookay.

  Reaching up, I worked my messy bun loose, pulling my mahogany hair down around my shoulders. But then I shot my eyes back up when I noticed Jax approaching me.

  His voice was low and strong, without even a hint of humor. “Unless you want me to send them home, K.C.,” he suggested, stepping closer, his chest nearly brushing mine.

  Send them home?

  I shook my head, blowing off his flirtation. It was the same way I’d reacted last fall the first time I met him, and every time after that when he made a suggestive remark. It was my safe, patented response, because I couldn’t allow myself to react any other way.

  But this time he wasn’t smiling or being cocky. He might’ve been serious. If I told him to send the girls away, would he?

  And as he reached out with a slow, soft finger and grazed my collarbone, I let time stop as I entertained the idea.

  Jax’s hot breath on my neck, my hair a tangled mess around my body, my clothes ripped apart on the floor as he bit my lips and made me sweat.

  Oh, Jesus. I sucked in a breath and looked away, narrowing my eyes to get my damn head under control. What the hell?

  But then Jax laughed.

  Not a sympathetic laugh. Not a laugh that said he was just kidding. No, it was a laugh that told me I was the joke.

  “Don’t worry, K.C.” He smiled, looking down on me as if I was pathetic. “I’m well aware your pussy is too precious for me, okay?”

  Excuse me?

  I knocked his hand away from my collarbone. “You know what?” I shot out, my fingers fisting. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you actually make Jared look like a gentleman.”

  And the little shit grinned. “I love my brother, but get one thing straight.” He leaned in. “He and I are nothing alike.”

  Yeah. My heart didn’t pound around Jared. The hair on my arms didn’t stand on end around him, either. I wasn’t conscious of where he was and what he was doing every second that we were in the same room together. Jax and Jared were very different.

  “Tattoos,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  Shit! Did I just say that out loud?

  “Um … ,” I choked out, staring wide-eyed in front of me, which just happened to be at his bare chest. “Tattoos. Jared has them. You don’t. How come?” I asked, finally looking up.

  His eyebrows inched together, but he didn’t look angry. It was more … befuddled.

  Jared’s back, shoulder, arm, and part of his torso were covered with tattoos. Even Jared and Jax’s best friend, Madoc Caruthers, had one. You would think with those influences, Jax would’ve gotten at least one by now. But he hadn’t. His long torso and arms were unmarked.

  I waited as he stared at me and then licked his lips. “I have tattoos,” he whispered, looking lost in thought. “Too many.”

  I didn’t know what I saw in his eyes at that moment, but I knew I’d never seen it before.

  Backing away, he wouldn’t meet my gaze as he turned and left the house. He closed the door, locked it, and walked down the porch steps quietly.

  Moments later, I heard Jared’s Boss and Liam’s Camaro fire up and speed down the dark street.

  And an hour later, I was still lying awake in Tate
’s bed, running my finger over the spot he’d touched on my collarbone and wondering about the Jaxon Trent I never got to know.

  CHAPTER 1

  K.C.

  Two years later

  Shelburne Falls was an average-size town in northern Illinois. Not too small but barely big enough to have its own mall. To the naked eye, it was picturesque. Sweet in its “no two homes are alike” originality and welcoming in its “can I help you carry your groceries to the car?” kind of way.

  Secrets were kept behind closed doors, and there were always too many prying eyes, but the sky was blue, the leaves rustling in the wind sounded like music, and kids still played outside rather than zoned out on video games all the time.

  I loved it here. But I also hated who I was here.

  When I left for college two years ago, I had made a promise to spend every day trying to be better than I was. I was going to be an attentive girlfriend, a trustworthy friend, and a perfect daughter.

  I rarely came home, choosing to spend last summer counseling at a summer camp in Oregon and visiting my college roommate, Nik, at her home in San Diego. My mother got to brag about my busy lifestyle, and my old friends really didn’t seem to miss me, so it all worked out.

  Shelburne Falls wasn’t a bad place. It was perfect, actually. But I was less than perfect here, and I didn’t want to come home until I could show all of them that I was stronger, tougher, and smarter.

  But that shit blew up in my face. Big-time.

  Not only did I breeze back into town much sooner than I’d wanted, but my arrival was on the heels of a court order. Awesome impression, K.C.

  My phone rang, and I blinked as I came out of my thoughts. Adjusting the covers, I sat up in bed and slid the screen on my Galaxy.

  “Tate, hi.” I smiled, not even bothering to say hello. “You’re up early.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Her cheerful voice was a relief.

  “You didn’t.” I swung my legs out of bed and stood up, stretching. “I was just getting up.”

  Tate had been my best friend all through high school. She still was, I guess. During senior year, though, I’d changed our friendship. I wasn’t there when she needed me, and now she kept about two feet of personal space when I was around. I didn’t blame her. I messed up, and I hadn’t manned up to talk about it. Or apologize.

  And despite my mother’s oft-repeated words of “wisdom,” I should have. “Apologizing is lowering yourself, K.C. Nothing is really a mistake until you admit you’re sorry for it. Until then, it’s just a difference of opinion. Don’t ever apologize. It weakens you in front of others.”

  But Tate rolled with it. I guess she figured that I needed her friendship more than she needed me to say I was sorry.

  But all in all, I was positive of two things. She loved me, but she didn’t trust me.

  She was chewing something as she spoke, and I heard a refrigerator door shut in the background. “I just wanted to make sure you got settled in okay and that you’re comfortable.”

  I pulled my white cami back down over my stomach as I walked to the French doors. “Tate, thank you so much to you and your dad for letting me crash here. I feel like a burden.”

  “Are you kidding?” she burst out, her voice high-pitched in surprise. “You’re always welcome, and you’ll stay for as long as you need.”

  After I’d gotten in to Shelburne Falls last night—by plane and then by cab—I’d made quick work of unpacking all my clothes in Tate’s old room, showering, and inventorying the cabinets for any food I might need. Turned out I needed nothing. The cabinets and the refrigerator were crammed full of fresh food, which was weird, considering that Tate’s dad had been in Japan since May and would be there until fall.

  “Thanks,” I offered, dropping my head. I felt guilty at her generosity. “My mom may warm up as the summer progresses.”

  “What’s her problem?” Her honest question threw me.

  I let out a bitter laugh as I opened up her white French doors to let the fragrant summer breeze in. “My police record doesn’t match her lily-white living room. That’s her problem, Tate.”

  My mother only lived a few blocks away, so it was funny that she actually thought she’d escape gossip by not letting me stay at home while I completed my community service. Those Rotary Club bitches were going to be on her case either way.

  That wasn’t funny. I shouldn’t laugh.

  “Your ‘police record,’ ” Tate mimicked. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Don’t tease me, please.”

  “I’m not,” she assured me. “I’m proud of you.”

  Huh?

  “Not for breaking the law,” she was quick to add. “But for standing up for yourself. Everyone knows I’d probably have a police record if not for Jared and Madoc tossing their weight around. You make mistakes like everyone else, but if you ask me, that asshole Liam got exactly what he deserved. So, yes. I’m proud of you.”

  I stayed quiet, knowing she was trying to make me feel better about dumping my boyfriend—kind of violently—after a five-year relationship.

  But then I shook my head as I inhaled the clean morning air. Everyone may make mistakes, but not everyone gets arrested.

  I could do better. A lot better. And I would.

  Straightening my back, I held the phone with one hand and inspected the fingernails of the other.

  “So, when will you be home?” I asked.

  “Not for a couple of weeks. Madoc and Fallon left for a vacation yesterday to Mexico, and Jared’s at ‘Commando Camp’ until late June. I’m going to visit my father soon, but for now, I’m taking the opportunity while Jared is away to pretty up the apartment.”

  “Ah,” I mused, staring absently through the trees to the house next door. “Here come the scented candles and throw pillows,” I teased.

  “Don’t forget the frilly toilet seat covers and accent lamps.”

  We laughed, but mine was forced. I didn’t like hearing about their lives that I hadn’t been a part of. Jared and Tate were going to college and living together in Chicago. He was in ROTC or something and was off on a training session in Florida. His best friend, Madoc—a fellow classmate of mine from high school—was married already and going to college in Chicago with Jared, Tate, and his wife, Fallon, whom I barely knew.

  They were all some sort of little gang that I wasn’t a part of anymore, and suddenly a heavy weight settled on my heart. I missed my friends.

  “Anyway,” she continued, “everyone will be home soon. We’re thinking of a camping trip for the Fourth of July, so do yourself a favor. Get ready. Be wild. Don’t shower today. Wear a mismatched bra and panty set. Go get a hot bikini. Be. Wild. Got it?”

  Hot bikini. Camping. Tate, Fallon, Jared, and Madoc and their wild ways. Two couples and me the fifth wheel.

  Riiiiight.

  I looked across at the darkened house next door, where Tate’s boyfriend had once lived. His brother, Jax, used to live there, too, and all of a sudden I wanted to ask Tate about him.

  Wild.

  I shook my head, tears pooling in my eyes.

  Tate. Jared. Fallon. Madoc.

  All wild.

  Jaxon Trent, and all the chances he gave me that I never took. Wild.

  The silent tears dropped, but I stayed silent.

  “K.C.?” Tate prompted when I said nothing. “The world has plans for you, baby. Whether you’re ready or not. You can be either a driver or a passenger. Now get yourself a hot bikini for the camping trip. Got it?”

  I swallowed the Brillo Pad in my throat and nodded. “Got it.”

  “Now go open the top drawer of my dresser. I left two presents in there when I was home this past weekend.”

  My eyebrows pinched together as I walked. “You were just home?”

  I wished I hadn’t missed her. We hadn’t seen each other in about a year and a half.

  “Well, I wanted to make sure it was clean,” she answered as I headed to
the opposite wall to her dresser, “and that you had food. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay to greet you, though.”

  Yanking open the drawer, I immediately froze. My breathing halted, and my eyes went round.

  “Tate?” My voice squeaked like a mouse’s.

  “You like?” she taunted, the smirk on her face practically visible through the phone. “It’s waterproof.”

  I reached in with a shaky hand and took out the purple “Jack Rabbit” vibrator still in its clear plastic packaging.

  Oh, my God.

  “It’s huge!” I burst out, dropping both the phone and the vibrator. “Shit!”

  Scrambling, I snatched the phone off the rug and hugged myself as I laughed. “You’re crazy. You know that?”

  The delighted sound of her laughter filled my ears, and I had gone from tears to smiles in no time.

  There was a time when I was more experienced than Tate. Who knew she’d be buying me my first vibrator?

  “I have one just like it,” she said. “It’s getting me through Jared’s absence. And the iPod has angry rock music,” she pointed out.

  Oh, that’s right. I peered into the drawer again, seeing the iPod Touch already opened with earbuds wrapped around it. She must already have loaded music onto it.

  “It will help you forget that asshole.” She referred to Liam. The reason I was in trouble in the first place.

  “Maybe it will help me forget K. C. Carter,” I teased.

  Bending down, I picked up the vibrator and caught myself wondering what kind of batteries it took. “Thank you, Tate.” I hoped she could hear the sincerity in my voice. “If nothing else, I already feel better.”

  “Use them both,” she ordered. “Today. Also, use the word motherfucker at some point. You’ll feel a lot better. Trust me.”

  And then she hung up without a good-bye.

  I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it as confusion shredded my smile.

  I’d said “motherfucker.” Just never out loud.

  “I’m sure you’re probably very nervous, but after the first day it will be much easier.” Principal Masters powered down the hallway at my old high school as I tried to keep up. “And after ten days,” he continued, “it will be as comfortable as an old pair of shoes.”