Falling Away Read online

  Apparently Jax was using both yards for his party tonight. How had I not noticed the new fence when I got here? And how had I not noticed the party practically on top of me when I was inside Tate’s house working? And how was Jax, who was only nineteen years old, getting all this liquor? And how the hell was he paying for all this stuff!

  Shane had resumed her conversation with the girl she’d been talking to, so I let her sit tight as I followed Jax into Tate’s backyard to the array of car parts spread out on a folding table. Several men sat looking over the machinery, inspecting, taking things apart, whatever.

  I shook my head, in a daze. “Jax, what the hell do you have going on here?” I asked quietly.

  It wasn’t my intention to sound uptight or accusing, but I was concerned. All this took money. Lots of it.

  I knew Jax was skilled and smart, especially with computers, so I’d never doubted that he’d do well for himself. I’d overheard him saying once that a person’s entire life was online. You could control it or be vulnerable to it.

  And you didn’t have to know Jax well to know he liked control.

  But to have all this? So young?

  He picked up a tool and looked to be continuing work that he’d been in the middle of. “How do you mean?” he asked.

  He was caging.

  Jax had never confided in me. I’d never given him reason to think I cared, but I did know that his dad was in jail for abusing him, his mom wasn’t in the picture, and he had spent much of his life in the system. Until, that is, his half brother, Jared, had started taking an active role in his life.

  Shortly after, Jared’s mom assumed custody of Jax, and they’d all been a family ever since.

  But now she’d remarried, moved out of town, and from the looks of it, Jax was surviving very well on his own.

  Noticing lots of people sitting close by in lawn chairs, I approached the table and spoke quietly. “This house has been renovated. You have a ton of expensive electronics in there, and you have to have close to a half million dollars’ worth of cars sitting out on the street. Who the hell are all these people?”

  His brother’s parties used to boast only half as many guests. It had certainly been less impressive but a lot more comfortable than this chaos.

  Jax threw down a tool, picking up a Phillips-head. “They’re my friends’ cars, not mine.”

  I stood there, studying him.

  He looked up and locked eyes with me, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Okay, I’ll slow down, K.C. First, a friend is someone you enjoy sharing time with. Someone you’re nice to that you trust—”

  “Screw you,” I said, sneering, folding my arms over my chest again.

  “She gets arrested,” a girl off to the side laughed, “and she still thinks she’s so superior.”

  What the hell?

  I lost my breath, hearing snickers and snorts go off around the area as everyone reacted to what she’d said.

  Everyone knew?

  “We got a noise complaint!”

  I jumped, twisting around to see two uniformed police officers standing in the open gate.

  Chatter stopped, and everyone popped their heads up, eyeing the two officers dressed in black.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt the sweat on my forehead. Shane and I were underage at a party with alcohol. My mother would disown me if there was another call from the police.

  Or maybe they’d just shut down the party. Hmm … that’d work for me. Shane safe, and me away from trouble.

  “Hey,” Jax greeted, and then turned back to his work.

  I narrowed my eyes, watching his long fingers work.

  “Okay, you can go back to your partying now.” One of the cops waved everyone off, chuckling at his own joke, and others followed suit, laughing and beginning their conversations again.

  “Hey, man.” The same cop who had just spoken came up to the table and shook Jax’s hand. “I brought Tim by to see the Evo.” He jerked his thumb to the young-looking officer behind him.

  Jax spoke lightly, gesturing with his chin. “In the garage. Go ahead.”

  The cops walked out, acting oblivious of the underage drinking, the packed street that had to be a fire hazard, and the huge amount of party noise coming from the house.

  I turned to Jax, completely and totally confused. “What the hell is going on?”

  “A lot’s changed, Juliet.”

  Yeah, no shit, I thought. Jared got a ticket or two for noise complaints for his parties. Why not Jax?

  He stopped working and cocked his head, taking me in. His gaze dropped down my body, over my tight pink tank top and Tate’s shortish cutoffs. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, I tucked my hair behind my ear and then shoved my hands into my pockets, averting my eyes from his scrutinizing gaze.

  But then I sucked in a breath as Jax reached over and pulled my hair back out from behind my ear.

  “It was perfect before.” His voice sounded gravelly as if his mouth was dry.

  He held my eyes, and I swear I felt high from his presence. I wished he wouldn’t look at me. I wished he hadn’t touched me. I wished he didn’t always knock me on my ass every time we were near each other.

  Tossing down his tools, he spoke loudly. “Everyone clear out for a minute. Go get another drink.”

  And I watched as all the guys dropped their toys, and others stood up from their chairs, scraping the legs against the brick-paved ground. Looking over, I saw Shane watching me as she walked out, her eyebrows raised and licking her lips to hide a smile.

  What did that mean?

  I turned to leave, too, but Jax caught my arm. “Stay.”

  He let go and walked around, coming to stand in front of me and then leaning back on the table as he spoke.

  “Do you remember when we met?” His soft voice reminded me of chocolate. “I told you that I was old enough to unravel you. Do you remember that?”

  I swallowed and looked away. Yeah, I remembered. I’d played out that conversation so many times in my head.

  How his eyes ate me up that night. How he wanted to give me a ride home. How I ignored Liam’s calls and fell asleep thinking of the new kid in town. My body warmed as I thought about it. It was the first time I’d ever slept naked.

  He gave a gentle smile and looked down. “Man, I wanted to unravel you, K.C.,” he whispered, and then looked me straight in the eye. “I wanted inside you so badly.”

  No.

  I reared back, but he caught my hand, holding me.

  Please don’t do this.

  He caressed my fingers with his thumb, and my eyes fluttered at the tingles spreading up my arm. His soothing voice, his touch, his gentleness …

  He barely whispered and my heart hurt, it was pounding so hard. “I wanted to make you come so hard that you’d lose that little sneer on your face forever,” he said softly. “I wanted to taste how wet you were for me. I wanted you underneath me, writhing and sweaty and begging.”

  I closed my eyes, my chest tight. Writhing. Sweaty. That wasn’t me. I’d never please him.

  He continued, standing up and moving flush with my chest. “I used to fantasize about pinning you against the lockers at school and running my hand up the inside of your thigh, hearing your whimpers.”

  My knees shook, about to buckle, and I felt the warmth between my legs. He needed to stop.

  “I wanted your mouth on mine,” he whispered, his breath tickling my forehead. “And your legs wrapped around my waist as you rode me.” Oh, my God. “Man, I wanted you, K.C. I wanted to undo you.” His lips were so close to my face I could feel the moistness of his breath as he whispered, “I wanted to dirty you up.”

  And then he grabbed my wrist, and I gasped before clamping my mouth shut again. His hand was fire on my body, and my breath shook as he leaned in, almost touching my lips.

  “But then I got to know you.” His voice grew hard and clipped and my wrist ached where he squeezed. “You’re gutless and helpless and I’ve never met anyon
e so desperate to get out of her own skin.”

  And then he yanked my wrist in between us, turning up the inside to reveal my two-inch scar. Running his thumb over it, he scowled down at me, looking disgusted.

  Tears burned my eyes.

  He knew. How did he know?

  Pressing my teeth together so hard it hurt, I glared at him, yanking my hand out of his grasp.

  Backing away, I pushed away the tears and hardened my jaw, determined never to show him defeat.

  And as I walked out, back through Jax’s house, I didn’t even break pace as I grabbed an abandoned drink off the kitchen table and threw it on an amplifier before I left. I vaguely heard it fizzle, white static filling the room, as I walked out.

  CHAPTER 4

  K.C.

  I sat on the edge of Tate’s bed the next morning, running my thumb back and forth across the jagged scar on the inside of my wrist that lay in my lap. It was long and thin but well hidden, running diagonally on the inside of my wrist.

  Gutless and helpless. I shook my head slowly, feeling a cold tear land on my arm.

  Jaxon Trent was an asshole.

  Everyone thought they had me figured out. Jax, Jared, Madoc, Liam, my mother … everyone.

  Everyone except Tate and Shane. They were the only family I really had, because they were the only ones who knew everything.

  “I’ve never met anyone so desperate to get out of her own skin.”

  I tucked my long hair behind my ear and sniffled. He was right about that. Immediately the memory hit me as if it had just happened yesterday.

  “Katherina, come here,” my father calls. He sits by the window, wearing blue lounge pants and a robe.

  I chew on my nails, looking up at my mother, scared. But she doesn’t look back. Why won’t she look at me?

  I’m four, and they don’t tell me what’s wrong, even though I keep asking. All I know is that my daddy can’t live at home anymore. His hair is messy, and he never had a beard before.

  “Katherina.” He waves me in with his hand, wanting me to come.

  “Daddy, I’m Juliet,” I mumble, and my mother pinches my back.

  My lip shakes, and my face hurts. I did something wrong. When I do bad things in public, she pinches me, because she says she can’t yell at me.

  I see my daddy’s face look sad, and I drop my hands, because I want him to love me. “I’m just kidding.” I smile as big as I can. “I am Katherina.”

  And I run to the safety and love of my daddy’s arms, holding on tight, even though he thinks I’m my sister.

  I couldn’t believe it, and I hated to admit it, but the asshole was right. I wasn’t my dead sister, Katherina, and what was worse, I didn’t even know who the hell Juliet was anymore. I barely existed.

  What ice cream did K.C. like? Because I’d just eat that so I wouldn’t confuse my father’s happy delusions. Did I have to wear Mary Janes to church every Sunday just because they were K.C.’s favorite shoes? I hated Mary Janes, but no, I was supposed to like them, so I decided just to like them and forget about it. What did I want to be when I grew up? Or, wait. What did K.C. want to be? Because Daddy liked to talk to her about that, and I had to try not to upset him.

  In death, my sister was perfection. She never bit her nails, acted up, or listened to bad music. She was beautiful, perfect, and alive. Juliet was the dead one.

  I trailed around in a daze, having slept barely at all the night before, and stripped off my pajama shorts and cami as I stepped into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I climbed in, my heavy limbs moving only as much as they had to, weighted down with fucking defeat.

  Gutless and helpless.

  I dipped my head back and shivered as the hot water poured welcome heat all over my skin. The weather outside was hot and wet, and I kept the temperature inside at eighty degrees, not wanting to run up the Brandts’ electric bill while I stayed here. But even though it seemed I was constantly wiping sweat off my brow, I wanted it hotter. I turned the faucet, increasing the temperature from a pleasant thaw to a fever, and I didn’t care if it was almost too much. I wasn’t cold anymore.

  “… writhing and sweaty and begging.”

  I tilted my head, leaning it on the shower wall and closing my eyes.

  “I wanted to taste how wet you were for me.”

  Sucking in my bottom lip, I felt the fire pool between my legs, and my head felt as if it were floating.

  It could’ve been the heat of the shower. Or it could’ve been the memory of his breath on my face. It had smelled like apples and pears and rain.

  Like summer. How could anyone’s breath smell like summer?

  “I used to fantasize about pinning you against the lockers at school …”

  Reaching down, I slid my hand up the inside of my wet thigh, the urge undeniable. I should’ve let him have me in high school, but I was afraid he’d rip my life apart. I was afraid he’d confuse me. And here I was, just as confused as ever, and I should’ve let him screw me. Ten times a day, whenever he wanted, because at least I would’ve been Juliet again, and I would’ve felt something.

  I brought my hand up between my legs and ran my middle finger along my slit, rolling my hips into my hand.

  Oh, God, that felt good. I breathed hard, rubbing my hand faster.

  I was at least grateful for one of the things my mother had encouraged. Waxing. I’d opted to get it all removed. I loved it, and I wondered if Jax liked that sort of thing. My fingers rubbed against the smooth skin, and the pressure built in my belly with the pleasure of skin on skin.

  My fingers slipped inside my folds, and I reached up and held one of my breasts with the other hand, wishing it was his hands squeezing and kneading while his tongue swirled around my cunt.

  Shit. I just said “cunt.”

  I never said words like that, but Nik constantly used them, and somehow it didn’t seem out of place right now.

  I groaned, swirling my fingers around my clit, feeling the hard nub pulse like an automatic weapon. I wanted him.

  Jax’s tongue was on me, and the hot spray of the shower doused his body in shimmering droplets. I wanted to lick them all.

  But he was doing all the action right now. His tongue darted out to lick and play over my hip, up my stomach, and then stopping to French-kiss my breast before he stood up straight. Grabbing me by the back of my hair, he stared down at me as he whispered into my mouth.

  I want your legs wrapped around my waist as you ride my cock.

  “Oh, God,” I cried out, swirling my clit faster and faster. “Yes.”

  I was throbbing and on fire, and I wanted what I had never wanted with Liam. Leaving the water running, I climbed out of the shower and hurried for the bedroom, dripping all over the rug. Yanking open the bedside drawer, I pulled out the vibrator and crashed onto the bed, lying on my back.

  Spreading my legs, I turned the dial as far as it would go, and I heard the buzzing getting louder and louder. Working the head around my clit, I gasped at the swirls of pleasure filling my stomach.

  Holy shit!

  I started feeling little waves rolling through my belly. My eyes fluttered closed, and I arched my back off the bed, wanting more, needing more.

  Oh, God.

  Rubbing the vibrator over my entrance, I bit my bottom lip. The tantalizing vibrations felt so good.

  “Oh,” I groaned, feeling the quakes and quivers inside my body.

  “I wanted to dirty you up.”

  “Jax.” My voice shook as I pumped the cock around my entrance, never going in, but just massaging and teasing. My legs shook with the pleasure of what was happening inside me.

  “Oh, God!” I screamed, spreading my legs wider.

  Heat poured out of me, and I wanted this more than I’d ever wanted anything. The deep vibrations pulsed in quick hums inside my womb.

  Oh, God. Faster, faster, faster …

  I arched my back and moved the tool up and around, rougher and rougher, massaging my clit.

 
; “Oh, God. Fuck!” I cried out, shaking and sucking in air as the cyclone between my legs racked through me. “Yes!”

  I came, gasping and moaning as I reached up and fisted the hair at my scalp.

  My arms ached with exhaustion, and I slowly relaxed my eyes that were squeezed shut.

  Jesus. I blinked, seeing the white ceiling come into focus.

  What did I just do?

  “You know, if you could talk to me at some point in the foreseeable future, that’d be greeeeat, mkay?” Shane imitated the guy from Office Space as she trailed me in the school hallways Monday morning.

  “Why are you even here?” I asked, sounding just as annoyed as I felt. It was eight o’clock in the morning on my first day of tutoring, but Shane was on summer vacation with no reason to be here other than to be a pain in my ass.

  “I’m transitioning the new cheer captain.” She smiled. “I’ll be around tons.” The snarky arched eyebrow was meant as a threat, and that was when I finally noticed the spandex shorts and sports bra she was wearing.

  Ugh. Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn. I thought I’d be safe at school at least.

  Ever since the party last Thursday, she’d been on my case to give her the scoop on what had happened with Jax.

  No comment.

  I’d buckled down, prepared for tutoring, and spent my remaining days of freedom at the gym or lying out tanning in the backyard, although that was uncomfortable, since the brick wall made it easier to see through. Jax had come out in the backyard yesterday and immediately shoved all his friends back into the house when they interrupted my tanning. It wasn’t like Jax to do anything to make me comfortable, but I appreciated it, even though I promptly got up and went inside anyway.

  Luckily that was the only time I’d seen him, though. I’d heard his car in the mornings and in the middle of the night, coming and going at odd hours, but that was the thing. It was constantly coming and going. The guy hardly sat still and once he was home, he’d turn around and leave again minutes later.

  I’d resisted the urge to peer out the windows, and I’d been avoiding Shane and texts from Tate and my roommate, Nik.